When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
