so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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