Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
