Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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