This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Bring me that man meat
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
