You're completely useless in the revolution.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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