at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
