I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
two words...techno handjob
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
