I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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