I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
