somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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