what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
