you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.