remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch