My liver just broke up with me...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.