Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My hand turned me down
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni