The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me