his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were trust falling into bushes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
