But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
