He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
