I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had sex on a roof
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
