so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
