I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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