Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
