I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
