dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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