First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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