Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
