I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
