I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
