I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
