He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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