She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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