Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
