there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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