I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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