D3 body, D1 cock
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
