never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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