smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
