i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
