I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You just made me feel so damn special
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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