Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
