Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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