you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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