He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
