Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
