i don't like sucking hair
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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