Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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