im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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