i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
