don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
