it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
