you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
