If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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