its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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