Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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