my soul wont recognize me after tonight
4 words: hood of his car
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
