I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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