i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
