Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
