haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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