You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
