Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
