yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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