Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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