if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
