I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
