So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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