The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
