Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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