she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
