doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there was a trapeze. enough said
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
