Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
